So you failed

I have to admit that when I started my bullet points for this particular post, I was not in the best place mentaly. I was beside myself and having a hard time coming to terms with what was bothering me. So I started my re-read of my last post about motivation and one particular part towards the end really jumped out and spoke to me. Something I had written days before just happened to be the answer to my problems. I have failed. Something that was once within my control to take care of has now spiraled out of control and all I can do is watch it happen. I was having a really hard time dealing with it, my anxiety flared up and I not only let it ruin the rest of my day, but I also let it sneak into the next few days. Honestly, just typing about it now is getting me a little worked up.

I have failed. When I started my re-read, all I was aiming to get done was to go through my work to see if it needed any last minute changes before I published it on my website, but I came across the part about failing, and it really made me think. Yes, I made a mistake. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life before and it’s guaranteed that I will make many more mistakes in the future. It’s just a mistake. Sure, some of them hurt a little more, some of them come with a higher price than others, but in the end they are all just mistakes. It is a lesson on what not to do. Some mistakes or failures are more serious than others, but they are all lessons. You are not your mistakes, they are not a life sentence. What defines us is how we handle our mistakes and if we pay attention to the lesson given to us. Failure is how we learn.

Looking back at my previous post, I have discovered part of what is holding my motivation back, and that is failure. I know not everything I write is going to be gold, heck, i’m not even sure if what I write is being read. Even knowing this, I still let my failures control me. I take my mistakes way too personally to the point that it sours my mood. My wife has an uncanny ability to know when something is bothering me, and after I tell her what is going on, she tells me the same thing she told me the time before; don’t let it bother you, quit thinking about it. She’s right, there is nothing I can do at that point to change what has happened. The only thing I can do is learn my lesson and take the steps to avoid it in the future.

Honestly it isn’t that difficult to learn from your mistakes or failures. The first step is to own your mistake. Were there other contributing factors or parties involved with your mistake or failure? Possibly. Does that make it any less your mistake? Absolutely not. The sooner you come to terms with that fact, the sooner you can move on to the next step. Step two is more of a two part step and really depends on the severity of your mistake. It can be as simple as don’t do that stupid thing again, or as complex as taking the necessary steps to make sure your mistake or failure doesn’t come to burn you in the future. For example, did your fast food order rip a hole in the bottom of the bag and fall to the ground as you walked to your front door? Then don’t hold the bag from the top anymore. Trust me, I learned that one the hard way. Or did you lose your home or car because of financial issues? Trust me, those will come back to haunt you later in life if you don’t get your ducks in a row quick.

We tend not to work ourselves up too much over the little mistakes, but the big ones are the ones that really get to us. The one thing i’ve learned about being an introvert is that even though i don’t care so much about immersing myself around other people, I do seem to care what other people think of me. And when I think about people finding out about my big mistakes, it shoots my anxiety through the roof. I am very afraid of what people will say about my big failure when in all reality, I shouldn’t. That is the one lesson that to this day I struggle with the most. Who cares what the majority of people think, they don’t know your story and in most cases, they don’t really know you either. So why should you care what someone who knows so little about the real you thinks about you. The people that matter are the ones close to you, the ones who know your story, your struggles, and your worth. Those are the people who you should pay attention to, because those are the people who care about you.

This little tangent leads me to step three, find some form of support. Now granted, you are not going to necessarily need support for your fast food order on the ground, but for those big how in the world am I going to get out of this mistake, having someone in your corner can really help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. My wife is one of my greatest strengths when it comes to me beating myself up over a failure. She can usually talk through it with me and at least make me feel better about the situation moving forward. And I think everybody needs that to keep them from sinking too far into their own emotion. So find some support to help you through the big ones.

The last thing I would like to discuss is not to beat yourself up about still making mistakes even though you are grown. The old saying that suggests with age comes wisdom isn’t wrong, but it also fails to mention that you are becoming wiser because you make mistakes. I'm sure I am not the only one that thought the struggles I faced in grade school were the worst ever at the time, but the truth is that part of growing up means taking on greater responsibilities. And with greater and more responsibilities comes the likelihood of greater and more mistakes. What does change is how we react to these new mistakes and how we change ourselves to avoid them in the future.

I do not have all the answers, but I do feel that this is a good start to understanding our failures and overcoming them to grow. Once again, if you have anything you would like to add to what I have said or have a different view on what I have said, please feel free to leave me a comment and maybe we can figure this out together.